1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
