Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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