What did we do last night that was yellow?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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