I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
