this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize