It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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