4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize