he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
