Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
