he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
