Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
