my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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