hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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