Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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