i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
