It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize