Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
