Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
