I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
