ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
