i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize