hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
