Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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