I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
