he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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