Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
