I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
