My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
