Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize