i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
