Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
