Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
