i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
