I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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