this beer tastes like vomit already
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
