I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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