so let's talk penis.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
