Three words: puerto rican gang bang
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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