Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
