We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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