Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
