This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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