In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
