You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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