my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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