You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Randomize
