if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
