Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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