why didn't you poke me back
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize