I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
