dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Did I show you my penis last night?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
