ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
