Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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