She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
