If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I think pants incapable of making pants work
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
