He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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