Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
