I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize