Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
