Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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