it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
