I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
