I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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