My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sorry about my life...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize