my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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