where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
