Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
