I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
