You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize