life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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