Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There r osticjed everywhere
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize