she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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