i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
