Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
