You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
