Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
