he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
