The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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