VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
