he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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