i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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