Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
