My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
