dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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