Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
as a side note pls kill me
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