Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Randomize
