I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
