What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
