It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
