this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
