Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
