My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
