i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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