end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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