i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
