It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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