I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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