Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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