a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Tornado booty call.. dedication
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
