I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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