Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
someone owes me an orgasm
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
