I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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